Date: April 9th 2006

THE LOST MY PARTNER NEWSLETTER

VOL. II, Issue 4 April, 2005

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner ­ What’ll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

contact@lostmypartner.com

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! We know how losing a spouse can turn your whole world upside down. It can also make concentrating on anything, even an online newsletter really difficult. Just as we’ve done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner ­ What’ll I Do?, we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice “user-friendly”. Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers.

We want to make this newsletter on ongoing source of support you can turn to any time, so please let us know how we can make it more relevant for you. We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you’d like to share with us.

Let us hear from you at: contact@lostmypartner.com

Thanks for joining us.

Warmest Wishes,

Ruth and Laurie

MONTHLY FEATURE

(This is Part Two of a two part series about coping with the impact of your spouse’s death on your relationship with his or her adult children.)

YOUR LATE SPOUSE’S ADULT CHILDREN

Part II: Friends or Foes; Handling Conflicts With Your Step-children

After a loss, almost everything touches a memory. Personal possessions of your late spouse’s that may seem insignificant to others can be rich with cherished memories for you. When the time comes to give away cherished possessions, there can often be conflict over who gets what, especially with stepchildren. While arguments may have already begun, we suggest you try the following approach:

A. Reassure your stepchildren that you respect their rights to any possessions that have special meaning and memories for them.

B. Ask them to respect your need “right now” for “some time” to hold on to these items (unless of course, you have no attachment to them), until you’re ready to deal with “letting go” of them.

C. Arrange for a get-together when you do feel ready to sort through your spouse’s personal items. Ask someone outside the family to act as mediator in case disagreements crop up.

D. Keep the big picture in mind. How important is it to maintain your relationships with your stepchildren and is it worth it to jeopardize future goodwill for the sake of some “things”?

E. However, if you believe giving away a particular item will leave you resentful, try to negotiate by offering something else with less sentimental value for you.

Always remember to trust your own sense of timing. Don’t allow yourself to be rushed into making decisions you may later regret.

(NOTE: We’ll talk about conflicts over monetary bequests in an upcoming issue.)

YOUR QUESTIONS

“My husband died last year. My cousin has arranged a cruise where she and I will share a cabin. I’m not really that close to this cousin and don’t feel comfortable with the arrangements. I’m thinking of getting my own cabin but it’s very expensive and I’m afraid I’ll hurt my cousin’s feelings. What should I do?”

Daphne W.

If you haven’t traveled together before, try a short overnight or weekend trip with your cousin. That should help you both see how compatible you are as roommates before you commit to the expense of an extra cabin. And, in case things don’t work out on the initial trip, you’ll then have “evidence” to convince your cousin that separate cabins are best.

GETTING THROUGH THE DAYS; Our Readers’ Tips

“After my wife passed away, our little dog Shadow really moped around and grieved for her. It occurred to me that since I ‘m comforted by sleeping with her pillow (with her perfume scent on it), maybe the same idea would help Shadow. Since my wife’s old bathrobe has been in Shadow’s doggy bed, he seems a lot calmer.” Doug P.

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

If you’re interested in obtaining a copy/copies of the book, Lost My Partner ­ What’ll I Do?, telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814 or visit our website: www.lostmypartner.com

(Copyright 2005 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)