Date: April 9th 2006

THE LOST MY PARTNER NEWSLETTER

Vol. II, Issue 8 October, 2005

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner ­ What’ll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! We know how losing a spouse can turn your whole world upside down. It can also make concentrating on anything, even an online newsletter really difficult. Just as we’ve done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner ­ What’ll I Do?, we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice “user-friendly”. Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers. We want to make this newsletter on ongoing source of support you can turn to any time, so please let us know how we can make it more relevant for you.

We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you’d like to share with us. Let us hear from you at: contact@lostmypartner.com Thanks for joining us.

Warmest Wishes, Ruth and Laurie

P.S. We’ve changed our mailing address to: Mc Cormick Press, P.O Box 6877, Beverly Hills, CA 90212-6877.

MONTHLY FEATURE

Living With Having Lost Your Cool; Your Angry Reactions Toward Your Dying Spouse

Part II: Why Your Spouse May Have Provoked Your Anger

In Part I, we explored the various stresses you were under at the time your spouse was dying. It’s important to look at how terminal illness may have impacted on your spouse and how his or her reactions may have unintentionally pushed your buttons. As you look back, keep in mind the following:

a. Everyone copes with the reality they are dying in different ways. Some of those ways of coping can change how the person acts towards others, especially a spouse.

b. Everyone copes with the loss of the body’s normal functioning in different ways. This also affects how they respond to others.

c. Because of the above, your spouse was no longer the person you had come to know, and rely on. As he or she struggled with these changes, they may have become more anxious and clinging, distant, demanding or angry towards you.

d. Changes in your spouse probably caused you to feel fear, anger and helplessness as you tried your best to adjust.

No wonder you felt pushed to your limits, sometimes resulting in a loss of temper. Remind yourself that just surviving each day was a victory.

YOUR QUESTIONS

My daughter has 2 young children. Because my son-in-law has to travel on business a lot, my daughter wants me to help with the kids. After my husband passed, babysitting really helped me cope with my grief. Lately though, I’m wanting to get out more and make some new friends and maybe take an adult school class. I’m afraid if I tell my daughter no, I’ll hurt her feelings. I feel so guilty. What should I do? Dolores K.

Many grandparents face this dilemma. You’re in the process of building a new life for yourself. Perhaps you can offer your daughter certain times of your week when it’s convenient for you. Sounds like your daughter and her husband need to resolve their childcare problem in some other way. You have a responsibility to yourself as well as others.

GETTING THROUGH THE DAYS; Our Readers’ Tips

My neighbor kept urging me to join her in some social activities, but I kept putting her off. Last week, when I hemmed and hawed over her invitation, she got frustrated and said, ‘Well, are you coming or aren’t you?’ I decided to push myself and I went. Was I glad I did! Getting out and doing something new really boosted my self-confidence. And now I don’t feel so alone. Millie D.

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters.

Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it. If you’re interested in obtaining a copy/copies of the book, Lost My Partner ­ What’ll I Do? telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814 or visit our website: www.lostmypartner.com

(Copyright 2005 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)