Date: April 9th 2006

THE LOST MY PARTNER NEWSLETTER

VOL. III, Issue 2 February, 2006

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner ­ What’ll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

NOTE: Our new mailing address is:

McCormick Press,

c/o P.O. Box 6877,

Beverly Hills, Ca 90212-6877

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! We know how losing a spouse can turn your whole world upside down. It can also make concentrating on anything, even an online newsletter really difficult. Just as we’ve done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner ­ What’ll I Do?, we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice “user-friendly”. Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers.

We want to make this newsletter on ongoing source of support you can turn to any time, so please let us know how we can make it more relevant for you. We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you’d like to share with us.

Let us hear from you at: contact@lostmypartner.com

Thanks for joining us.

Warmest Wishes

Ruth and Laurie

MONTHLY FEATURE

Dating Someone in Your Widowed Group; Look Before You Leap

If you’ve been involved in a bereavement group, you may have encountered this situation; people in various degrees of pain are sharing their feelings and experiences in an atmosphere of mutual trust and understanding. Many miss the companionship of having a spouse, see the self-disclosure as a perfect “ice-breaker”, want the excitement of a new relationship and begin to look at others in the group as possible romantic interests. Two members get together outside of the group meetings and begin to date. Is this really a good idea?

If you are in a widowed group and are considering dating another member, ask yourself the following:

1. Are you in the beginning or later stages of grieving for your spouse?
2. Is a new relationship mostly a way to not feel the pain of your loss?
3. Did you join the group with the intention of using it as a convenient “dating pool”?

Now consider these points:

1. Bereavement is an important, necessary, and often difficult emotional process we all need to go through. Trying to “short-cut” this process by dating too soon usually results in problems that can destroy new relationships.
2. While new romances are exciting, they are also fragile. By connecting with someone new before you’ve mourned the loss of the old relationship, you are only putting the pain of your loss on temporary hold. The pain is still inside you despite being avoided and will often erupt in ways that create stress for a new partner.
3. Bereavement groups should be a way to help you move yourself through the grieving process, not delay it.

Remember: Always listen to yourself and use caution deciding whether this is truly the right time for you to take this step. Discuss your thoughts privately with the group leader if you need additional support. Most widowed groups discourage dating within the group during the period it meets because dating causes distraction from the important work of bereavement.

YOUR QUESTIONS

"My friend told me about a computer dating service. It’s been over a year since my wife passed. I’m thinking about trying this online thing, but I’m not sure." Annette C.

We urge caution with online dating. Many people are dishonest on the application profiles, so you can’t be sure about the information you’re getting. Don’t give out any personal information to prospective dates that could compromise your safety. Be sure to have several online and telephone conversations with the man prior to an actual date. Meeting at a public location for the first date is a good idea for both your sakes.We know this doesn’t sound romantic, but better safe than sorry.

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at:

contact@lostmypartner.com

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

If you’re interested in obtaining a copy/copies of the book, Lost My Partner ­ What’ll I Do?, telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814 or visit our website: www.lostmypartner.com

Remember that our new mailing address is: Mc Cormick Press, c/o P.O. Box 6877, Beverly Hills, CA 90212-6877.

(Copyright 2006 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)