THE LOST MY PARTNER NEWSLETTER

VOL. III, Issue 7 September, 2006

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

NOTE: Our new mailing address is:

McCormick Press,

c/o P.O. Box 6877,

Beverly Hills, Ca 90212-6877

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! We know how losing a spouse can turn your whole world upside down. It can also make concentrating on anything, even an online newsletter really difficult. Just as we’ve done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do?, we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice “user-friendly”. Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers.

We want to make this newsletter on ongoing source of support you can turn to any time, so please let us know how we can make it more relevant for you. We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you’d like to share with us.

Thanks for joining us.

Warmest Wishes,

Ruth and Laurie

MONTHLY FEATURE

Five Tips for Taking Your First Bytes of Computer Dating

We urge you to take the necessary time going through the grieving process before you start dating. By jumping in too quickly, you risk damaging future attachments because you may not be emotionally ready.

However, once you are ready, you may consider trying one of the many online dating services. While online dating is one way to meet people you might not otherwise come into contact with, it can also be a scary experience the first time out. According to online dating coach Andrea Spector, M.A. (yes, she’s one of our family), “Computer dating is a great way to get back into the dating game, but it’s usually most helpful as a tool to improve your dating skills, rather than a way to find true romance. Think of the experience as similar to chatting with a stranger at a party or other social gathering.”

So keep your expectations realistic and follow these tips:

1. Research various dating websites and ask friends for recommendations. Read books on online dating so you feel prepared for what’s ahead.
2. Dating websites want a profile of you. Think of this as your “ad” and use an attention-grabbing “headline”. Ask a friend to go over your profile and suggest ways to highlight your talents and qualities. Keep it light and preferably humorous.
3. ALWAYS BE CAUTIOUS. Don’t reveal where you live, work or other personal information until you’ve spent some time with your date.
4. AN ADDED PRECAUTION: Leave the name and contact information of who you’re meeting with a trusted friend or relative. Chances are there won’t be any problems but the internet does attract dangerous people.
5. Make the first date for coffee and keep it to 30 minutes. You don’t want to invest more time and/or money in case you don’t hit it off.

Remember: Online dating can be a good way to stick your toe into the water rather than plunging in. Take it slow, keep expectations low, be cautious and enjoy learning new dating skills.

YOUR QUESTIONS

After my husband passed away a few months ago, I decided to have a lot of long-overdue repairs done on our home. A couple of days after the carpenters left, I was looking for a treasured necklace of mine and couldn’t find it anywhere. I really panicked when I also couldn’t find some other valuable pieces of jewelry. I phoned the contractor, who apologized, and I even filed a police report. Then a week later, when I was clearing out the trunk of my car…there was a bag with my “lost” jewelry in it! Suddenly I remembered that in my rush to leave the house before the workmen arrived, I’d packed up my jewelry and stashed it in the car. Was I ever embarrassed! I’m only in my early 50’s but with the way I keep forgetting things lately, I’m afraid I’ve stared to get senile. I need to know if it’s just me or is this normal?

Sandy K.

No, you’re not getting senile. Forgetfulness is a normal but temporary symptom of bereavement. The stress of preparing for the workmen as well as having to do it without your husband’s help added to the pressure you were under at the time. Your panic was probably also fueled by the additional loss of losing cherished possessions.

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

If you’re interested in obtaining a copy/copies of the book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814 or visit our website: www.lostmypartner.com