THE LOST MY PARTNER NEWSLETTER 

 

VOL. III,    Issue 9               NOVEMBER, 2006

 

 

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

 

 

NOTE: Our new mailing address is:

McCormick Press,

c/o P.O. Box 6877,

Beverly Hills, Ca 90212-6877

 

 

 

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! We know how losing a spouse can turn your whole world upside down. It can also make concentrating on anything, even an online newsletter really difficult. Just as we’ve done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do?, we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice “user-friendly”. Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers.

 

We want to make this newsletter on ongoing source of support you can turn to any time, so please let us know how we can make it more relevant for you. We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you’d like to share with us.

 

Thanks for joining us.

 

Warmest Wishes,

Ruth and Laurie

 

 

 

MONTHLY FEATURE

 

 

Where Are You When I Need You?; Coping With Illness Without Your Spouse

 

Because of the stress you’ve been under, the first couple of years following the death of your spouse are, statistically, likely to leave you vulnerable to illness. When illness does strike, whether it’s a common cold or something more serious, it can stir up an emotional reaction as well. Whatever comfort and support your spouse once offered is no longer available to you. You may find yourself saying:

 

“Why aren’t you here when I need you?” Or: “I took care of you but you’re not here to take care of me!”

 

Feelings of abandonment, anger, depression and anxiety are normal reactions under the circumstances. You can best cope with the situation by:

 

a)    Recognizing what is actually triggering these emotions.

b)    Calling on family, friends or neighbors to stop by (just having someone in the house can be comforting), or run errands for you.

c)    Reminding yourself, if you’re uncomfortable asking for help, that you would help others out if they were in a similar situation. Remember, this is temporary.

d)    Contacting the medical social services department at your local hospital for assistance in finding resources, such as support groups, home health aides, or other services.

 

Remember you have developed coping skills during and after your spouse’s death and can now draw on them to make it through this period.

 

NOTE: Because your spouse’s death has left you more physically vulnerable, it’s important to let your doctor know about your loss. Some pre-existing medical conditions may be affected by the stress of recent circumstances.

 

 

 

 

ATTENTION READERS: Your next issue will arrive in January. In the meantime, discover practical tips for coping with the upcoming holidays. Just go to our website www.lostmypartner.com, click onto “Past Newsletters” in the left-hand menu and scroll down to article #15 (“Ten Best Ways to Get Through the Holidays”).

 

YOUR QUESTIONS

 

“My husband passed away in February. My son and daughter-in-law will be hosting Thanksgiving this year. My son asked me to bring his favorite casserole which I’ve made  each Thanksgiving since he was little.  I hate to let him down but I just don’t feel up to all the mess and bother. What should I tell him?”   Lillian W.

 

 

This year it’s okay to say, “I don’t feel up to it yet. Maybe next year I will.” Offer to bring something you can purchase instead, like a beverage or holiday flowers instead. Remember that for now, (temporarily), you aren’t your usual self. Family and friends will understand. 

 

 

 

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

 

If you’re interested in obtaining a copy/copies of the book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do?, telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814 or visit our website: www.lostmypartner.com