THE LOST MY PARTNER NEWSLETTER

 

VOL. IV, Issue 3    March, 2007

 

 

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

 

 

www.lostmypartner.com

newsletter@lostmypartner.com

contact@lostmypartner.com

 

 

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! We know how losing a spouse can turn your whole world upside down. It can also make concentrating on anything, even an online newsletter really difficult. Just as we’ve done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice “user-friendly”. Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers.

 

We want to make this newsletter on ongoing source of support you can turn to any time, so please let us know how we can make it more relevant for you. We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you’d like to share with us.

 

Let us hear from you at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

Thanks for joining us.

 

Warmest Wishes,

Ruth and Laurie

 

 

 

MONTHLY FEATURE

 

 

 

 

 

DISARM THOSE SNEAK ATTACKS OF GRIEF

 

We’ve all experienced them: things are going along okay when out of the blue you’re suddenly feeling sad or depressed.  You can’t understand what’s hit you. Everything seemed fine and these emotions just don’t make sense. Or do they?

 

Stop and take a minute to ask yourself the following:

 

1.    Is it the anniversary of a month, day, or event that had significance for you and your spouse? While holidays are expected to be difficult, days that represent “the last time” or “our special experience” are just as emotionally loaded and often less obvious as sources of pain.

2.    Have you recently revisited places that were special for you and your spouse?  Even if it’s a different time of year, locations can also trigger feelings of loss.

3.    Is the anniversary date/ revisit about to come up or just past? One reason these reactions catch us off guard is because their timing is often unpredictable or unexpected.

 

Memories have a way of emerging and blindsiding us despite our best efforts to avoid them. Hidden triggers can touch off the most powerful and baffling reactions of loss.

 

The most effective way to disarm these “sneak attacks” is: 

 

A.    Take the time to identify what’s causing them (see above).

B.    Give yourself permission to feel the sadness associated with the event.

C.    Assure yourself that now that you’re aware of a particular triggering event, you can anticipate it in the future and thus have greater control in dealing with the situation.

D.   Allowing yourself to experience the feelings of loss means you’re taking another step forward in your bereavement process.

 

Remember that although there are always these emotional triggers out there, the pain you’ll feel will become less intense over time.

 

 

 

YOUR QUESTIONS

 

“After my husband’s death last year, I became friends with a woman who was also widowed. She’s invited me to spend a week at her lovely vacation condo. I haven’t slept away from home since my husband’s death, and I’m not sure if I’m up to it. What should I tell my friend?”       Nettie W.

 

You may be reacting to the discomfort of going on a trip without your spouse. This is commonly a difficult but necessary step in bereavement. Consider the advantages in fostering new friendships, however, and whether it’s time to go beyond your comfort zone and try a new experience. If you feel comfortable with this person, (who, having been widowed, will probably understand), explain your concerns. Perhaps “try out” a night or two away from home before committing to a longer stay.

 

 

 

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

 

If you’re interested in obtaining a copy/copies of the book, you can buy immediately on our website, www.lostmypartner.com. Or telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814.

 

 

(Copyright 2007 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)