THE LOST MY PARTNER NEWSLETTER

 

Vol. IV,  Issue 7   September, 2007

 

 

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner ­ What’ll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

 

 

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! Just as we’ve done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner ­— What’ll I Do?, we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice “user-friendly”. Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers.

 

We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you’d like to share with us.

 

Let us hear from you at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

Thanks for joining us.

 

Warmest Wishes,

Ruth and Laurie

 

 

 

MONTHLY FEATURE

 

 

How To Get More/Less Support From Others

 

PART I: Asking for More Support

 

 

“After my husband passed away, I got a lot of support and help from family and friends. But it’s been awhile now, and I seem to be forgotten. I think they see me as ‘strong’ but I still need to know that they are there for me.”

 

 

As you struggle with the many stresses that come with losing a spouse, you may feel more vulnerable, lost, or “alone in the world”.  For some, especially those who normally see themselves as “self-sufficient” or who believe it’s “weak” to depend on others, it can be difficult to ask for support during this difficult period.

 

Keep in mind that nobody is strong all the time. Even Superman can be weakened by Kryptonite. So cut yourself some slack and consider the following:

 

• Bereavement is a temporary period, during which everybody needs to lean on someone.

 

• Your limitations won’t last. With time, you’ll get better at coping.

 

• Encourage emotional support by telling others that, for now, you need their support while you adjust to your new life. Arranging to “touch base” by phone or e-mails once or twice a week, will help you get through this.

 

• If you need assistance with chores or shopping, avoid overloading someone by delegating different tasks to more than one person.

 

• Be very specific about what you need help with. For example, you might say “With all that’s been going on right now, I’m a little overwhelmed. Would you mind helping me with…?”

 

• Be aware that others have their own lives and responsibilities, so working out a compromise is important.

 

 

Remember: Most people are eager to help. Lending you a hand will help them feel less helpless and more involved in “doing something” for you, even if it’s only picking up a few groceries.

 

 

 

(Look for PART II: When You Need Less Support, in our October Newsletter)

 

 

 

YOUR QUESTIONS

 

 

“My wife died a year ago. Since then, my step-daughter and her husband are going through a messy divorce and fighting over custody of their 9 and 12 year old daughters. I love my step-grandkids and want to be there for them in some way, but I’m not sure what to do.”                                     Harvy W.

 

 

You’re probably feeling helpless and frustrated in this situation. Keep in mind that the children have to live with these parents, however troubled they may be. Though you love the girls and wish you could “make it all better”, you unfortunately can’t. You can, however, try to maintain as much of a connection with them as possible. Make sure they know how to reach you by phone or e-mail. While it’s important to be supportive, be careful not to take sides against either parent when communicating with the children.

 

 

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others

in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

For a copy/copies of the book, Lost My Partner ­- What’ll I Do?, buy online at www.lostmypartner.com or telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814.

 

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

 

 

(Copyright © 2007 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)