THE LOST MY PARTNER NEWSLETTER

 

VOL. V, Issue 3 March, 2008

 

 

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

 

 

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contact@lostmypartner.com

 

 

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! Just as we’ve done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner ­— What’ll I Do? we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice “user-friendly”. Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers.

 

We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you’d like to share with us.

 

Let us hear from you at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

Thanks for joining us.

 

Warmest Wishes,

Ruth and Laurie

 

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Special Website Discount!

 

Pay only $9.71 (25% off the list price of $12.95), when you order the book, Lost My Partner-What’ll I Do? from our website, www.lostmypartner.com

 

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MONTHLY FEATURE

 

 

TO HONOR OR NOT TO HONOR: The Dilemma of Last Wishes

 

 

Few requests carry a more powerful sense of obligation than those of a dying spouse.

 

These can include anything from funeral/memorial arrangements to where and how the remains are to be dealt with.

 

Sometimes, though, your spouse’s wishes may conflict with your own needs. What seemed the right choice at the time the requests were made can, as the realities of death are actually faced, feel uncomfortable or inappropriate to the survivor. The decision to change or ignore your spouse’s wishes, however, may leave you struggling with feelings of guilt and/or resentment.

 

If you’re facing this dilemma, or already have, consider the following:

 

1.    At the time these requests were made, he/she couldn’t have anticipated the realities of how you would feel when the time came to carry out these wishes.

2.    Discuss with family members the possibility of compromise. If, for example, your spouse wanted no service or memorial but you and the family feel the need to get together to share the loss, you might arrange a “gathering” to which family and friends can bring photos and mementoes of your spouse.

3.    The important thing is that you honor(ed) your spouse’s life in the best way possible for all concerned

 

Keep in mind that your needs are as important to respect as your late spouse’s were.

 

 

YOUR QUESTIONS

 

“Since my husband passed away a year ago, I haven’t felt up to visiting our favorite restaurant. My husband and I were very friendly with the owner and his wife and everybody knew us. I really miss seeing everyone but I’m afraid it’ll be uncomfortable if I return. What should I do?” Roseanne G.

 

While it can be difficult returning to places that hold special memories, it’s a sign of progress that you’re feeling ready to take this step. If you do decide to revisit this restaurant, consider bringing a friend or family member(s) who understand the situation. The owners and staff will probably be delighted to see you again and will do everything possible to make you feel welcome.

 

 

 

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

 

Receive a 25% discount when you buy the book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? from our website: www.lostmypartner.com.

 

Telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814.

 

 

(Copyright 2008 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)