May, 2009______________________________________________                             McCormick Press

VOL. VI, Issue 5                               www.lostmypartner.com          www.lostmypartnerblog.com

The Lost My Partner Newsletter  

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner –What’ll I Do?  A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

This Month’s Feature: Getting the Family Through Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

UPDATES FROM RUTH & LAURIE

Whether you’ve lost your spouse/partner or are an adult child who has lost a parent, you may be wondering how you’ll cope with Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. For some useful tips, we’re reprinting the monthly feature article from our May, 2007 newsletter.

Be sure to check out our new blog! You can now get more of our tips and suggestions several times a week, as well as comment on what we have to say and share your own tips with others. Just go to www.lostmypartnerblog.com.

If you’re new to blogs and want to leave your feedback, just click onto the highlighted “comments” at the bottom of each post (article). We’d love to hear from you!

Read more articles from our past newsletters anytime by going to www.lostmypartner.com.  

Our website also offers the opportunity to read a sample chapter from our recently released Lost My Partner-What’ll I Do? Revised and Expanded Edition. Find out more at: www.lostmypartner.com.

Please stay in touch and share any ideas or suggestions with us. We can be reached at: contact@lostmypartner.com

Thanks for joining us.

Ruth and Laurie

MONTHLY FEATURE

Getting the Family Through Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

Holidays can be difficult, especially during the first year after your loss. Like other holidays, Mother’s Day and Father’s Days are advertised everywhere and filled with reminders of happier family times.

These holidays may stir up the pain of loss for you, your children and grandchildren. Such occasions may also remind you of your own deceased parent(s).While others around them celebrate these occasions, children in particular can feel left out and troubled.

Try these tips with your family:

a) Acknowledge your own feelings of loss by talking about how you miss your spouse. When children see you sad or tearful it lets them know their own feelings are normal.

b) Have younger children create “remembering” cards, with photos or drawings of special memories about their parent or grandparent.

c) You may find it comforting to visit the cemetery or other places of remembrance on the holiday.

d) If there is a family gathering, make some time to share fond or funny memories of your loved one.

The feelings these holidays stir up won’t just go away. It’s best to acknowledge the occasions, even briefly, especially with children. Denying or avoiding a holiday tends to result in “delayed reactions”, where the emotions come up in unexpected ways.  

YOUR QUESTIONS

“My husband and I used to be very active in several charitable organizations. We were involved in many fund-raising and social functions with some other couples and I considered them good friends. Since my husband’s death last year though, something seems to have changed. Although these couples still greet me warmly when we meet at functions, they no longer seem to include me as part of the group. I feel quite hurt by this but wonder if I’m being too sensitive.”    Margaret S.

It’s understandable that you feel hurt by behavior that may be adding to the sense of abandonment you’re  already experiencing. Becoming a “single” person can have an impact on how you’re perceived by others who are still part of a “couple”. While there are several reasons behind this, none of them are your fault. Many who encounter this discomfort with couple friends gradually pull away from these relationships and find support and companionship with others who are single.

(To learn more, see chapter Twenty-four, “Other People’s Reactions” in our book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? Revised and Expanded Edition; 2008.)

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

You can order either edition of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? from our website: www.lostmypartner.com.

Telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814.

(Copyright 2009 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)