September, 2009______________________________________________                    McCormick Press

VOL. VI, Issue 7                                                                            www.lostmypartnerblog.com

                                                          www.lostmypartner.com

The Lost My Partner Newsletter  

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner –What’ll I Do?  A Clear, Practical Guide for Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

This Month’s Feature: HOW TO COPE WITH ANNIVERSARY REACTIONS

UPDATES FROM RUTH & LAURIE

Welcome back! Now that September has arrived, we’re looking forward to bringing you new tips and support to get you through the rest of the year.

Whether you’ve recently lost your spouse/partner or it’s been awhile, we’ve all been caught unawares by “anniversary” reactions, those painful reminders of our loss. We hope this month’s feature article, How to Cope with Anniversary Reactions, will offer some insights into how to soften the impact of these situations.

Be sure to check out our new blog! You can now get more of our tips and suggestions several times a week, as well as comment on what we have to say and share your own tips with others. Just go to www.lostmypartnerblog.com.

If you’re new to blogs and want to leave your feedback, just click onto the highlighted “comments” at the bottom of each post (article). We’d love to hear from you!

Read more articles from our past newsletters anytime by going to www.lostmypartner.com.  

Our website also offers the opportunity to read a sample chapter from our recently released Lost My Partner-What’ll I Do? Revised and Expanded Edition. Find out more at: www.lostmypartner.com.

Please stay in touch and share any ideas or suggestions with us. We can be reached at: contact@lostmypartner.com

Thanks for joining us.
Ruth and Laurie

MONTHLY FEATURE

How to Cope with Anniversary Reactions

We’ve all experienced them: things are going along okay when out of the blue you’re suddenly feeling sad or depressed.  You can’t understand what’s hit you. Everything seemed fine and these emotions just don’t make sense. Or do they?

Stop and take a minute to ask yourself the following:

1.    Is it the anniversary of a month, day, or event that had significance for you and your spouse? While holidays are expected to be difficult, days that represent “the last time” or “our special experience” are just as emotionally loaded and often less obvious sources of pain.

2.    Have you recently revisited places that were special for you and your spouse?  Even if it’s a different time of year, locations can also trigger feelings of loss.

3.    Is the anniversary date/revisit about to come up or just past? One reason these reactions catch us off guard is because their timing is often unpredictable or unexpected.

Memories have a way of emerging and blindsiding us despite our best efforts to avoid them. Hidden triggers can touch off the most powerful and baffling reactions of loss.

The most effective way to disarm these “sneak attacks” is: 

A.    Take the time to identify what’s causing them (see above).

B.    Give yourself permission to feel the sadness associated with the event.

C.    Assure yourself that now that you’re aware of a particular triggering event, you can anticipate it in the future and thus have greater control in dealing with the situation.

D.   Allowing yourself to experience the feelings of loss means you’re taking another step forward in your bereavement process.

Remember that although there are always these emotional triggers out there, the pain you’ll feel will become less intense over time.

YOUR QUESTIONS

Since my wife passed last year, I’ve wanted to spend more time with my grown daughters. I realize they’re busy with their own lives and families and I don’t want to impose, but it gets pretty lonely without my precious wife. I have some good friends and enjoy several hobbies but how do I let my kids know I’d like to see more of them without sounding like a burden?                 Harry E.

Your family may in fact be wondering how to be supportive of you. You might suggest scheduling weekly phone conversations (at times and days convenient to everyone), or e-mails. You could also arrange meals, outings or events that include grandchildren and/or other family members. Focusing “together time” around specific activities provides structure and allows others to “be there” for you.

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

You can order either edition of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? from our website: www.lostmypartner.com.

Telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814.

(Copyright 2009 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)