October, 2009______________________________________________                        McCormick Press

VOL. VI, Issue 8                                                                            www.lostmypartnerblog.com

                                                          www.lostmypartner.com

The Lost My Partner Newsletter  

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner –What’ll I Do?  A Clear, Practical Guide for Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

This Month’s Feature: CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED

UPDATES FROM RUTH & LAURIE

If you find that you can’t stop thinking about what happened when your spouse/partner died, this month’s Feature article explores the issue of being preoccupied with details of a loss and offers ways to cope. 

Be sure to check out our new blog! You can now get more of our tips and suggestions several times a week, as well as comment on what we have to say and share your own tips with others. Just go to www.lostmypartnerblog.com.

If you’re new to blogs and want to leave your feedback, just click onto the highlighted “comments” at the bottom of each post (article). We’d love to hear from you!

Read more articles from our past newsletters anytime by going to www.lostmypartner.com.  

Our website also offers the opportunity to read a sample chapter from our recently released Lost My Partner-What’ll I Do? Revised and Expanded Edition. Find out more at: www.lostmypartner.com.

Please stay in touch and share any ideas or suggestions with us. We can be reached at: contact@lostmypartner.com

Thanks for joining us.
Ruth and Laurie

MONTHLY FEATURE

Can’t Stop Thinking About What Happened

In the days following the death of your spouse/partner, you probably find yourself pre-occupied with what has happened.

Whether it’s the details of those final days, the death itself, or worries about arrangements/financial concerns, thoughts and images about your loss seem to occupy every waking moment.

In the aftermath of any shock (even when a death is anticipated), it’s normal to be preoccupied with these thoughts and images as your mind struggles to absorb the reality of the loss.

Added to this are the other adjustments and tasks you’re forced to deal with as a consequence of the loss itself.

Keep in mind that with time, you’ll be able to focus on other aspects of your life.

Many people feel guilty when this happens, fearful that pulling away emotionally means they no longer love or remember their partner.

What it actually means is that you’ve begun to find a new, different place inside you for your loved one. A place that is no less cherished for not demanding your constant attention.

If, however, after a year or so, you’re still preoccupied with the death, it may be due to conflicts or unfinished business that are complicating your ability to mourn. Consider getting counseling from a mental health professional or trusted clergyperson to help you sort through troublesome concerns.

YOUR QUESTIONS

Since my husband died, I’m having a hard time adjusting to cooking just for myself. I end up wasting a lot of food. I’m trying to break old habits, but it’s so difficult. Any suggestions?                  Vivian R.

Yes, cooking for one is a challenging adjustment and for some, can bring up the pain of loss. Try to recognize whether cooking has become a way of holding on to feeling part of a couple. If not, there are several options for dealing with extra food. Some people find it helps to freeze extra portions. Or, if you’re used to buying in bulk from warehouse stores, consider bringing a friend along to share supplies with. You might also donate extra food to local food banks. Also check out your local libraries, bookstores and/or online resources for cookbooks geared for singles.

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

You can order either edition of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? from our website: www.lostmypartner.com.

Telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814.

(Copyright 2009 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)