April, 2010                                                                                  McCormick Press   Vol.Vll, Issue 4                                                                    lostmypartnerblog.com   .                                                                                              lostmypartner.com                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

The Lost My Partner Newsletter  

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner –What’ll I Do?  A Clear, Practical Guide for Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse DiesApril,

MONTHLY FEATURE

Best Choice of Online Support If You’re Widowed

Although there are several forms of online support for those who have been widowed (chat rooms, bulletin boards, etc.), our favorite is GriefNet.org. This non-profit site offers almost 50 specialized email support groups as well as two web sites.

According to GriefNet: “Our groups operate 24-hours/day, 365 days/year.  Members participate when they wish and are able to, not at a set time.  When one member of a group sends an email message to the group, everyone in the group receives a copy. This allows many people to respond with love and caring to the thoughts and feelings of an individual, day and night, year-round. Since 1994 these groups have helped thousands of people around the world deal safely with their grief.” 

We also like the fact that there is a mental health professional in charge.All groups are monitored by trained volunteers who make sure that the groups are running smoothly. Overall supervision is provided by Cendra Lynn, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and traumatologist.

A sampling of GriefNet’s email groups includes:

Grief-Widowed: a support group for anyone who has lost a partner or a spouse at any age, at any time, of any sexual orientation.

Widowed-with-Kids: a group for those who have lost a partner or spouse who still have children living at home. This is a place where the unique problems of parenting when widowed can be discussed.

Grief-Widowed Moving On: a support group for anyone who has lost a partner or a spouse at any age, at any time, of any sexual orientation, and who has moved on beyond the first raw stages of dealing with that loss.

Young Widowed: a support group for those aged 40 or under who have lost a spouse or partner. Please note: the age cut-off is only suggested; those who feel themselves to fit into this category are welcome.  

Widowed Gay: a support group for gays who have lost a partner to death or whose partner is currently dying. Gays are also welcome in our other widowed groups and while we have never had a homophobic incident, this group was created in response to a special request from some gay widowed members.

Be sure to also check out GriefNet’s support groups for children and teens.


YOUR QUESTIONS

“My elderly husband recently passed after a long illness. At his funeral service, several people made insensitive remarks like “He’s lived a good long life” and “He’s better off now” or “It’s for the best”. Although I know these people were trying to comfort me, these comments were hurtful. Although Jack was older than me, I treasured every moment we had together. How should I reply?”

Karen M.

People are usually well-meaning but don’t know quite what to say under the circumstances. The best response you can make is to say nothing and put the other person’s comments down to good intentions poorly expressed.


DISCOVER MORE

Be sure to check out our blog. You can now get more of our tips and suggestions several times a week, as well as comment on what we have to say and share your own tips with others. Just go to www.lostmypartnerblog.com.
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Please stay in touch and share any ideas or suggestions with us. We can be reached at: contact@lostmypartner.com

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You can order either edition of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? from our website: www.lostmypartner.com.

Telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814.

(Copyright 2010 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)