June, 2010______________________________________________                          McCormick Press

VOL. VII, Issue 6                                                                         www.lostmypartnerblog.com

                                                         www.lostmypartner.com

The Lost My Partner Newsletter  

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner –What’ll I Do?  A Clear, Practical Guide for Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

MONTHLY FEATURE

Going Back to Work

Part 1: Dealing With Coworkers’ Reactions

(Excerpted from our book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? Revised and Expanded Edition)

Returning to a job after a spouse’s death is a step that tends to be anticipated with eagerness, dread, or both, at different times. The workplace can seem like a familiar well-ordered refuge where you find many hours of distraction away from your pain. On the other hand, it can represent the ordeal of work pressures, coworkers’ reactions, and a boss’s unrealistic expectations.

Here are some ways to make it through a work day while you’re grieving:

a)    While your private world has been drastically changed, your workplace has gone along in its usual way. You may, therefore, initially feel out of sync with the rest of your coworkers.

b)    Coworkers will look to you for their cues. Others usually feel awkward about expressing feelings or knowing the “right thing” to say. How you respond to the first expressions of sympathy will convey a message to other coworkers about how and if you want to discuss the loss. Some possible responses include: “Thank you. It’s difficult to talk right now – maybe later.” Or “I appreciate your concern.” Remember, the choice is yours.

c)    Some coworkers may not mention the loss. This can feel hurtful and even insulting. Try to keep in mind that people are often afraid of “reminding” or upsetting a grieving person. Expressing sadness can seem especially threatening in a work setting, where personal distress is supposed to take a back seat to the demands of business.

In Part 2, learn tips for dealing with reactions of your own that may crop up at work.

YOUR QUESTIONS

”My husband of 45 years recently passed. Several widowed ladies in my apartment building have asked me to join them for a movie but I just don’t feel comfortable socializing yet without Jerry. He’s been a part of my life for so long. I know I can’t keep avoiding these invitations from my neighbors but I don’t know what to do.”

Veronica B.

We certainly understand how difficult it is to shift from being part of a couple to being “single”. Having been widowed themselves, these ladies will probably be understanding of your discomfort. It does take time to adjust but try to take small steps. It will get easier.

DISCOVER MORE

Be sure to check out our blog. You can now get more of our tips and suggestions several times a week, as well as comment on what we have to say and share your own tips with others. Just go to www.lostmypartnerblog.com.

If you’re new to blogs and want to leave your feedback, just click onto the highlighted “comments” at the bottom of each post (article). We’d love to hear from you!

Read more articles from our past newsletters anytime by going to www.lostmypartner.com.  

Please stay in touch and share any ideas or suggestions with us. We can be reached at: contact@lostmypartner.com

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

You can order either edition of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? from our website: www.lostmypartner.com.

Telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814.

(Copyright 2010 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)