September, 2010______________________________________________                     McCormick Press

VOL. VII, Issue 8                                                                            www.lostmypartnerblog.com

                                                          www.lostmypartner.com

The Lost My Partner Newsletter  

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner –What’ll I Do?  A Clear, Practical Guide for Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

MONTHLY FEATURE

Helping Your Child/Teen Return to School After the Loss

(Excerpted from our book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? Revised and Expanded Edition)

Children

Following the death of your partner, your child is probably anxious to return to their daily world, which provides a much needed source of support for them during this time. In addition to the stability it provides, school is where friends and teachers can offer an ear for feelings your child may hesitate to share with you.

1)    Before your child returns to school, contact his/her teacher and the school counselor. Discuss how they can tell your child’s classmates about the death prior to your child’s return. It’s important the teacher be aware that your child’s loss may stir up fears in other children about losing a parent. The teacher might also explore with your child and his/her classmates how to respond supportively when your child becomes sad or tearful.

2)    Prepare your child for how to react to people at school. Rehearse simple ways for him/her to respond to other children’s questions, behavior, etc.

3)    If being at school becomes too overwhelming for your child, arrange ahead of time for you or another adult to come pick him/her up during the day.

Teenagers

There are some important differences to be aware of with teens.

Because it’s not uncommon for teenagers to react to the death of a parent with behavioral problems at school such as poor performance or truancy, it’s important to:

1)    Talk to your teen about what’s happened and how it’s affected them.

2)    Listen to his/her fears and concerns and be reassuring but truthful in your response.

3)    Ask your teenager if he/she would like you to inform the school or any teacher about the death. This is to ensure that the teacher will be understanding of the change in behavior and school work.

4)    Let your teen tell classmates and friends in his/her own way, if they prefer to do so. 

Remember that no matter how much they pull away from you because they’re adolescents, there are still times they need to depend on you.

YOUR QUESTIONS

“My husband passed away last year.  I recently became ill. My husband and I were never blessed with children and my only family lives out of state. Although I have wonderful friends who have been very supportive of me, I felt guilty about imposing on them during my illness. Given my age however, I know there will be future medical situations when I’ll need some help. What should I do?”

Mabel B.

We can understand your concerns about depending on friends. Are some of them also widowed or alone? You might discuss arranging to share some potential caretaking tasks, such as driving to medical appointments, food shopping, etc. that each of you may need and can assist the others with. Keep in mind that friendships go two ways.

DISCOVER MORE

Be sure to check out our blog. You can now get more of our tips and suggestions several times a week, as well as comment on what we have to say and share your own tips with others. Just go to www.lostmypartnerblog.com.

If you’re new to blogs and want to leave your feedback, just click onto the highlighted “comments” at the bottom of each post (article). We’d love to hear from you!

Read more articles from our past newsletters anytime by going to www.lostmypartner.com.  

Please stay in touch and share any ideas or suggestions with us. We can be reached at: contact@lostmypartner.com

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

You can order either edition of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? from our website: www.lostmypartner.com.

Telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814.