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Clear, Practical Advice for Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies |
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Sample Chapter from Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? Chapter One NOT NORMAL IS NORMAL You look in the mirror and say to yourself: “I look like me but I don’t feel like me. Everything in my life seems to be changing. I’m not reacting the way I usually do. What’s happening? Am I going crazy?” No, you aren’t. You’re going through one of the most intense, frightening and difficult emotional experiences of life: mourning. Your whole world has been turned upside down. You may have experienced other losses, but losing a spouse affects almost everything in your life. Both your mind and body are struggling to come to terms with the loss. Realistically, you can’t expect to be your normal self. Try not to compare how you’re coping and progressing with anyone else; each person is unique in how he/she moves through the mourning process. Almost everyone, however, experiences some of the following reactions:
“I fall asleep but a few hours later, I’m wide awake.” “I’m exhausted, but I toss and turn for hours.” “I just want to sleep all the time.”
“Nothing tastes good anymore.” “I feel so exhausted all the time, even though I haven’t done anything.” “I feel so restless — I can’t sit still.”
“From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, it seems that I can’t stop thinking about what’s happened.” INCREASED ANXIETY OR WORRY “What’s going to happen to me? How will I ever manage without my spouse?” “Do I have enough money to live on and will I know how to handle it?”
“I’m like a robot who’s just going through the motions. I feel like I’m watching myself react.” CRYING SUDDENLY FOR NO APPARENT REASON OR AN INABILITY TO CRY “I don’t know what hit me - - I was driving my car, and all of a sudden I burst into tears.” “I’m afraid once I start crying, I won’t be able to stop.” “I shouldn’t indulge in self-pity when there’s really so much to be grateful for.” “If only I’d done more.” “Why did this have to happen to me/us?” “That doctor/hospital let this happen!” “How could God let this happen?” “I can’t seem to remember where I’ve left things from one minute to the next. It’s gotten so bad, I’m afraid I’m getting Alzheimer’s.” SENSE OF RELIEF “I feel guilty saying this, but it’s a relief to have the nightmare over with.”
“When I got back from my trip, I opened the front door and thought she’d be there.” “I saw someone from the back who looked so much like him that for a moment I thought it was my husband.”
“Seeing my husband in a dream was so comforting.” “I wish I could dream about my wife once in a while.” “Since he died, I feel hollow inside.” “My daughter says I sigh a lot.” “I usually love to be with my young grandchildren, but lately the sound of their high-pitched voices really bothers me.”
“Life is so painful right now that I find myself thinking about ending it, so I can be with my wife again.” SENSE OF YOUR SPOUSE’S PRESENCE TALKING TO YOUR SPOUSE “I often find myself talking to my wife as though she was still here.” “I’m so used to discussing important decisions with my husband that I still ask him what to do.”
If you’re thinking seriously about taking your life, tell someone immediately! Call the Operator to reach your local suicide hotline or phone the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at: 1-800-273-8255 to talk to a trained telephone counselor 24 hours a day, 7 days a week or go to for online assistance. |
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